


Feels Like War

by Candace_X_Chambers



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, But before that a lot of dark shit happens, Doing It For Here D.I.F.H. Mentioned, Eventual Happy Endings, Love Confessions, Lunatic Fringe, M/M, Pre and Post Shield Break Up, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Sacrifice, Switchblade Conspiracy mentioned, The Authority (Professional Wrestling), The Shield (Professional Wrestling), m/m slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-12 07:32:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Candace_X_Chambers/pseuds/Candace_X_Chambers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b> “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” ― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches</b><br/> <br/>Seth did what he had to. He doesn't like it, not a damn bit of it. But he knows damn well he deserves every boo, every death threat, and every punch to the face his choice gives him.</p><p>It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, though. It doesn't mean he isn't crumbling on the inside. Isn't fighting to stay alive, to not be suffocated by all the horrible things he's had to do or say.</p><p>But none of that hurts more than the cold, hate filled glares he gets from the man he loves. Dean doesn't even have to say anything, and it eats him up more than anything else. Keeps him awake at night wondering it anything will ever be the same or if he'll always live this life of stone cold misery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Knock on the Door](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3302813) by [Madame_Reject](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madame_Reject/pseuds/Madame_Reject). 
  * Inspired by [Hysteria](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2564606) by [phoenixjustice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixjustice/pseuds/phoenixjustice). 



> Title from the song Love Like War by All Time Low featuring Vic Fuentes from Pierce the Veil. That song and Do it Now, Remember it Later by Sleeping with Sirens inspired this fic.
> 
> All of you can thank CookieWolfScarlet from her/his amazing works and getting me back into the WWE and Seth Rollins for being so damn adorable.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anyone. All characters used in this belong to the WWE. This is all completely fictional. If you go here by Googling yourself or someone you know I suggest finding the nearest back button.
> 
> Thanks for reading. All feedback is greatly appreciated )))

**“It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt, It lies behind stars and under hills, And empty holes it fills, It comes first and follows after, Ends life, kills laughter.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit**

Chapter One

_"What you lookin' at, pony? You see this right here?" Roman asks, running his fingers through his hair, "Full, thoroughbred mane right here, boy." Dean smirks, leaning in to touch his hair. Knowing full well he doesn't like that. "Whoa. What are you doing? I'm not a pony."_

_"Enough talk about horses, mustangs, or ponies," Seth intervenes. Tom, their interviewer, looks terrified. "Tom is obviously a unicorn. Can I be a Pegasus? Like have wings and flap around."_

_"Half goat?" Roman asks._

_"No! That's a centaur! C'mon!" ___

It wasn't long after that interview did the three of them shower and go out to the nearest (and cleanest) club. Dean knows Seth is a lightweight. Hence the reason they don't go out very often. However, the two toned man hadn't protested when Roman suggested they go out for a few drinks, celebrating the last seventeen months.

"Are we gonna do seventeen shots?" Dean questions with a mischievous smirk.".. Total?" Seth asks, his voice small and hesitant. Dean slings an arm over his shoulders.

"No, young one, seventeen _each_." Dean corrects, eyeing him seriously.

"But, b-but. That's not good for your liver!" Seth sputtered. Roman rolls his eyes and shoves the youngest man into the club. The Samoan sits them at a booth while he goes to order the shots. Seth squirms, looking uncomfortable and out of place.

Seth doesn't like the nightlife. He doesn't like noisy stripper bars or tight spaces. He doesn't like to dance or grind with beautiful women. Lord knows he could have most of the females in this place if he tried.

And it's a damn shame. Anyone who looks that good should be getting laid multiple times a week.

Not long after he left Roman comes back with a tray full of shot glasses and a tumblr of the same alcohol. The Samoan picks up his glass.

"I'm not going to get all sappy, but I wanna say a few words," Roman says, "I love you two like you're my brothers, and nothing will ever change that. Even if years from now we're all doing our own thing, I'll still love you two fuckers. Now and always. Even if one of you stab me in the back, you'll still be my family."

"Back at you, Rome." Seth returns with a dazzling grin. Dean grumbles a less enthusiastic version of the same thing.

"To the Shield, and another successful seventeen months and counting." Roman finishes.

"Believe in that." Seth adds as they clink their glasses together. Dean finally brings the cool metal to his lips, swallowing it's contents in one gulp.

One down. Sixteen to go.

 

______________________________

 

Roman had taken one look at Seth and shook his head, ordering Dean to deal with it. They're all sharing the same hotel room, so it doesn't make sense as to why-

Then Dean sees the woman staring at the Samoan with big, horny eyes. Her lips are kiss swollen and she looks wrecked already.

"You're lucky I don't cock block you," Dean scoffs, "Don't get anyone pregnant. You have enough kids as it is. And I doubt your ex wife will be happy to hear your kids have-"

"Fuck off, Dean." Roman says fondly, rolling his eyes and leaving his brother to deal with a very drunk and clingy Seth Rollins.

The brunette pokes his stablemate. "Come on, you little shit. Time to go." Seth groans and slumps down in his seat, running a hand through his frizzy hair. Dean takes one of the two toned man's arm and slings it around his shoulder, dragging Seth out of the seat and out of the club without a protest. He manages to get the younger man into a cab before Seth questions the absence of their oldest - and biggest - brother.

"Ro?"

"'S not here." Dean says, his voice unimpressed, "Had a date." Seth pouts, mumbling something under his breath. Rolling his eyes, Dean tells the driver the name of their hotel and asks him to step on it. Seth slumps against his chest, his forehead pressed against the crook of Dean's neck. The brunette gently wraps his arm around Rollins's shoulders, resting his chin on the blonde portion of his hair, and watches the outside world pass by.

The driver pulls to a stop roughly ten minutes later and Dean slips him a thirty as he gets out, pulling his brother along. Seth leans heavily against him, muttering under his breath. He falls silent once they reach the elevator, though. He turns to staring at Dean with big, puppy dog eyes. Ambrose cocks an eyebrow at him but doesn't question his brother's strange behavior.

Seth is the definition of weird, intoxication doesn't change that.

The elevator door dings open, and Dean hauls ass to their hotel room. Seth shuts the door behind them, leaning against the wood with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Have you list'ned to anythin' I've said?" Seth asks.

Dean rolls his eyes. "No. I can't hear ya when you mumble, ass hat."

Rollins huffs. "I love you."

The Cincinnati native sighs. He's definitely not in the mood to deal with this. "Let's get you to bed."

"Do y'not feel the same?" Seth questions with a pout.

"You know I love you, Seth. You're my brother."

"I love you more than that.. 'm in love with you." Seth says, practically falling onto his brother. Dean's brows furrow, he has to clench his jaw to keep shut.

Did Seth Rollins just say he's _in love_ with Dean?

"You're definitely going to sleep. Now." The brunette grumbles, pulling the younger man along. Rollins doesn't protest. Instead he let's himself be lead to the bedroom, where he stumbles to the bed and crashes.

Dean watches him. Watches the rise and fall of his chest, the calm expression on his face. Ambrose contemplates taking off the younger man's clothes to let him peacefully and without constrictions. Then he thinks about following through and-

He opts for a cold shower and sleeping on Rome's bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I attempt humor. However, I'm generally nit a funny person when I write (not when I try to anyways), please dont hate me if it's painful to read.
> 
> Thanks for reading. All feedback is greatly appreciated )))

Chapter Two:

_"You're such a little shit." Dean sneers, rubbing his side. Roman rolls his eyes, turning to look at Seth._

_"Will you two stop acting like little bitches for like two seconds? We have a match for fuck's sake!" Seth says, exasperated. He puts his hands on his hips, looking at the two stubborn men with wide eyes. Did these two always argue?_

_"No matter what happens we'll always be brothers." Roman points out, shrugging like it didn't matter whether or not they constantly fought. This time Seth is the one to roll his eyes._

_"It doesn't matter! You two are always arguing and it's starting to effect our performance."_

_Dean stands, placing his hands on the two toned man's shoulders, looking into his eyes. "It doesn't matter what happens in the ring."_

_"Then what **does** matter?"_

_"The connection we have," Dean replies, gesturing to the invisible line passing through the three of them. "Just like Ro said, we'll always be brothers. Fuck anything that happens out there. That's not who we are. That's not real. That's business."_

_"Believe that." The Samoan says, grinning wide._

_Seth coughs. "Whatever. Just don't leave me out there to dry while you two fight, okay?"_

Seth grumbles as he wakes. A sharp, throbbing pain rattles through his head and his stomach twists uncomfortably. He rolls on his side to-

-roll off the side of his bed and land on the ground. _Oww_

The wood is cold beneath his hands and actually feels quite nice against his burning face. Cursing under his breath, he lifts himself off the ground. Glaring at the bed, he wonders why Dean wasn't beside him like he always is. Where is Dean, anyways? Where's Roman? The both of them have never gotten up before him, unlikely they ever would.

His stomach twists uncomfortably and he makes a beeline for the bathroom, dumping the content of his stomach into the toilet. He doesn't remember much of last night. Dean suggested they do sixteen shots - one for each month. Seth recollects the first five, but his memory gets hazy as he goes further. It hurts to think about number fourteen, and the last two are complete blanks.

God, he hopes he didn't do anything stupid. Or say anything stupid. He would die. Literally.

He flushes the toilet, and stands up. Looking in the mirror, bags are beginning to form under his eyes and his face is slightly pale. The blonde part of his hair is folded over the black part, which is sticking up wildly.

Well, what looks like shit, and feels like shit, is shit, right?

"You okay?" Dean's voice floats into the bathroom. Seth throws a "Yeah" over his shoulder as he searches for the aspirin. Something hits the back of his head and rattles on it's way to the floor. Seth picks it up, inspecting the bottle of the desired drug before popping one into his mouth.

"Thanks." Rollins says, swallowing the pill.

"Try not to get hangover next time, you little shit." Dean replies, his voice fond and amused.

Seth snorts. "Fuck you. I'm going to take a shower."

"Don't hurt yourself." Dean retorts, looking like he wouldn't give a shit even if he did. Seth knows better though.

Who else would save Dean's ass?

__________________________________________________

"Where's Ro?" Seth asks once out of his shower. He takes the coffee and microwave pancakes Dean hands to him with a grateful smile. (Dean absolutely does not find it cute or anything like that.)

"I told you last night, ass hat." The Cincinnati native replies. Seth blushes.

"I don't remember last night."

"... You don't?"

"No," Rollins answers, "I don't even remember finishing my shots."

Dean's brow furrows. "Oh." He averts his eyes to his pancakes, stabbing them with fork. "He went home with some girl 'nd got laid while I babysitted your ass."

Seth blushes even harder. "You could've went out.. I would've been fine on my own."

"You were drunk off your ass. No way was I gonna let you get home on your own." The brunette says, "Probably would've got lost and killed or somethin'." Rollins opens his mouth to say - something, but is interrupted by the arrival of their third brother.

"You guys got food without me?" Roman asks, his mouth set in a firm pout.

Dean snorts. "Your date didn't cook for you?" The Samoan glares at him, and informs them he's taking a shower.

Once Reigns is gone, Seth asks "Did I say or do anything weird last night?" in a rush.

Dean bites his bottom lip. Does confessing your love to your brother count as weird? But maybe if Seth doesn't remember ever saying that to him, then maybe he can pretend it never happened. Maybe Seth hadn't meant it in _that_ way. Maybe there was another meaning.

"No. You came in here and passed out." Ambrose replies. It would be better to lie, right? Pretend it didn't happen, then their friendship wouldn't be fucked with.

Seth looks relieved. "Okay."

Dean stands up, and bangs on the bathroom door. "Ro! Hurry the fuck up we gotta leave, fucker!"

"Shut the fuck up before I spear you, dick weed!" Roman shouts back.

Seth runs a hand through his hair, "Do you two always have to be so mean to each other? Damn."

"We do it out of love, right Ro?"

"No, Dean. I hate you."

Ambrose puts a hand over his heart. "Do you want me to come in there and fight you? Because I will."

"Nobody's going anywhere." Seth protests, elbowing Dean lightly in the ribs.

The brunette raises his eyebrows. "It's on now." He says, tackling Seth to the ground and tickling him.

____________________________________________

Seth has had enough of their bullshit. He was so tired of their arguing. Couldn't they bed on the same page for _once_? Was that to much to ask for?

Are they not professionals? This is their fucking job, they get paid to do this.. yet here they are, fighting while Seth desperately tries to make them both shut the fuck up and _listen to him_.

Fuck anyone who says differently. Seth is the sole reason the Shield is a successful, unstoppable, unbreakable unit. He doesn't care if Roman is stronger, or if Dean acts more like a "leader". If Seth wasn't there, Dean and Roman wouldn't be where they are.

They're both stubborn, hard headed, independent motherfuckers. They would butt heads more so than they do now, but there'd be no peacekeeper. They'd have kill each other by now, exploded in one another's face and beat the shit out of the other.

Does he get any appreciation? No.

Does he get a thank you? No.

Why does he do it then? Why does he fight so hard to be the glue that holds them together? Why doesn't he just let the Shield self destruct? Because he loves his brothers. He'd do whatever it took to keep them safe.He'd do anything to protect them.

_Anything._


	3. It doesn't even matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter from the song In the End by Linkin Park. I feel that song fits Ambrollins so well, along with the album Sempiternal by Bring me the Horizon (that's just my opinion, though).
> 
> I want to thank E, rollinsandamrbose, and Iremmy for leaving comments. They mean so much to me. I'm really discouraged about everything I write currently (especially since I'm still new-ish to this random and holy fuck, is this a hard fandom to write in), so any comments you guys leave pick my spirits up and more often than not I begin/continue the next chapter.

Chapter Three:

Dean had been pissed. Down right pissed.

How dare Seth betray them like this? Seth is - was - their brother! Who the fuck does he even fucking think he is? He's an arrogant, selfish, piece of shit. That's who he is.

From day one, they agreed never, _ever_ to betray one another, to turn their backs on each other. One day, maybe, they'd go their separate ways. _But that day wasn't today_. They still had so much more to do together. So much more to accomplish. To _conquer_.

Yet Seth motherfucking Rollins had to go and ruin that. Had to ruin it all because he thinks he's so fucking special. That he's so much fucking better than them.

You know what? Fuck Seth Rollins. Fuck The Authority. Fuck the fame, the money, the championships.

None of it fucking matters. None of the titles Rollins wins, the money he makes, the wins he records, will mean a damn thing. Why? Because he'll have no one to share it with. No one to revel in that sweet feeling of victory with.

Dean promises to make sure of it.

__________________________________________________

_"You were never my brothers. We were just business partners."_

_"You never meant anything to me."_

__________________________________________________

Seth cringes when he thinks about the things he said about his brothers - _former_ brothers.

Roman and Dean were so much more than just business partners, and they meant the _world_ to Seth.

That doesn't matter now. None of it matters. He made the choice he made. And goddamn it, he is going to live with it. He's going to be the Authority's Golden Boy, he's going to ignore the shit that everyone gives him. Seth will put on that arrogant, shit eating smirk and do what he does best.

Win.

He isn't going to think about what the Shield _was_ , or what they could have been. He isn't going to think about his ex-brothers, or the good times they had. The man he loves, his best friend, will be an afterthought.

Just for now.

Until everything gets fixed.

(He hopes that doesn't take to long.)

___________________________________________________

 

_" I didn't sell out, I bought in."_

_"Believe in Seth Rollins."_

 

___________________________________________________

"Dean, calm down."

"Dean, dean. Calm the fuck down."

"You're gonna burn a hole in the carpet if you keep pacing."

"Will you fucking stop for two seconds?"

Dean pauses, whipping around to glare at the Samoan. "You want me to calm down? You want me to calm the fuck _down_?"

"Yes, I thought I made that clear." Roman says, barely restraining his eye roll. The Cincinnati native growls, his eyes narrowed into slits as he waits impatiently for his brother to speak.

Roman thinks over what he plans to say before he speaks, though. Forming each sentence carefully in his head. The last thing he wants to do is give Dean a reason to be pissed off at him as well. The man is unpredictable, and when his blood starts to boil he can be dangerous.

"We don't know why Seth did what he did-"

"I don't give a fuck why he did. He fucking betrayed us."

Roman sighs. "I know he betrayed us. There could be an exterior motive to why he did. I've heard some rumors-"

"You're going to sit there and _defend_ that two toned weasel?" Dean snarls, his nostrils flaring.

"I'm not _defending_ anyone," Reigns says carefully. This isn't going as well as he planned (does it ever?) "All I'm saying is that we should wait and hear what Seth has to say, off camera, before we make any rash decisions."

"You fucking heard what he said!"

"He said it _on camera_. We all know that sometimes we have to do, and say, things we don't mean while-"

"He fucking betrayed us, Roman. He turned his fucking back on us and joined the _Authority_. The same people we've been fighting all our fucking careers. He beat us with chairs, Ro. _Chairs_. Did you forget about that?" Dean snaps, "If he didn't 'mean what he said', then why hasn't he called us, huh? Why not come over and explain himself? Better yet, why not tell us in advance? Like weeks before it happened we'd be fully fucking prepared. Explain that since you're a fucking genius."

Roman pinches the bridge of his nose. He can already feel a headache coming on. "I don't know the answers. I really don't. What I'm trying to say is that we don't know the entire situation, so we shouldn't go on a 'Let's Kill Seth Rollins' rampage just yet."

The brunette punches a hole in the wall (Roman doesn't even flinch. Thank god they're in a hotel, though) and grabs his hoodie. Slipping it on, he grabs his cigarettes and heads for the door.

"We have a flight in the morning." Roman reminds the retreating man. His brother doesn't reply, just slams the door behind him.

In all honesty, Dean should not be out there alone. Not with the state of mind he's in. His temper is uncontrollable and he's willing to pick a fight with just about anyone. A responsible person would follow him.

Normally, Roman would. But _Dean's temper is uncontrollable and he's willing to pick a fight with just about anyone_ , and Roman really isn't in the mood to deal with it. Especially since he isn't the cause of it.

Pulling out his phone, he sends the one who _is_ responsible a text:

**Dean is roaming the streets looking 4 his next kill. Hope u know what ur doing**

Tossing his electronic device on the table, Roman turns on the TV, sits on the couch and waits his deranged brother out

___________________________________________________

_"I guess we can't trust a man with two toned hair."_

_"I'm going to make your life hell, Seth Rollins."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't exactly what I had wanted/planned. I hope you guys like it anyways. The sentences in italics were snippets of conversations (in case you didn't figure that out).
> 
> I'm working on the Livejournal and Dreamwidth posts for this fic. Once they're written I will post the links in the notes.
> 
> Thanks for reading. All feedback is greatly appreciated )))


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **"One thing I don't know why It doesn’t even matter how hard you try. Keep that in mind. I designed this rhyme to explain in due time. "~In the End by Linkin Park**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This occurs the Monday before Money in the Bank.
> 
> Thanks for reading. All feedback is greatly appreciated. I hope you're having a wonderful day where ever this may find you )))

Chapter Four:

When Seth said he'd do anything for his brothers, he honestly never thought he'd have to stoop this low.

Yet, here he is, a member of the Authority. A lackey, serving the McMahon-Hemsleys, following their every word.

What does he get in return? Getting pushed around, called names (their favorite being "Princess" because the WWE is their "kingdom"- Hunter the king, Steph the queen, Randy the prince, Seth the princess, and Kane the Knight - and they think they're so damn clever). He can't even fight his own battles, literally. There's always someone behind him, interfering in his match. And it's bullshit.

He wanted to have this feud with Dean _on his own_. He wants to win - or lose - on his own. He's proven he can do that enough times in FCW, right? Or did those not count?

It pissed him off, immensely.

But the way his brothers - former brothers, he assumes - are treating him is the real thing that's making this so unbearable. He could handle all the shit his bosses throw at him if Dean and Roman would _talk_ to him.

It is, technically, his fault. He fucked up (bad) and now the two people he cares about won't even look at him off camera. He deserves it, he knows that.

Seth did what he had to. He doesn't like it, not a damn bit of it. But he knows damn well he deserves every boo, every death threat, and every punch to the face his choice gives him.

It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, though. It doesn't mean he isn't crumbling on the inside. Isn't fighting to stay alive, to not be suffocated by all the horrible things he's had to do or say.

But none of that hurts more than the cold, hate filled glares he gets from the man he loves. Dean doesn't even have to say anything, and it eats him up more than anything else. Or the way Roman, usually so sweet and gentle towards him, puts every ounce of power he can muster up into a Superman Punch that hits Seth in the jaw every time. It keeps him awake at night, thinking about the hatred in his former Shield partners' words, wondering if anything will ever be the same or if he'll always live this life of stone cold misery.

He hates seeing Dean and Roman together. It just cracks his heart even further. Forcing him to see everything he's missing out on, making him long to be part of it again.

He'll never say this enough, but he _loathes_ the Authority. Hunter's nose is so big and stupid and he's not a badass (or even remotely funny) anymore. Stephanie's voice is squawky and downright _annoying_ , she tries to be Momma Steph but Seth already has a mother (and Roman, that big ol' momma hen). And then there's Randy who, God, rubs Seth in all the wrong ways. He's a major obstacle in Seth's mission (and he's a huge pain in the ass), protecting his former stablemates would be so much easier without the Apex Predator watching over his shoulder.

"You okay, kid?" Kane asks, eyeing him warily.

Seth squints his eyes, and grits out, "I'm not a kid." The older man chooses to ignore him. "Thinking about your brothers?"

Ever since Seth joined the Authority, Kane has called them his brothers. He always corrected him with "former business partners".

Tonight, he doesn't have the heart.

"Yeah." The two toned man sighs, flopping down on his bed. Kane closes the door behind him.

"I joined the Authority to prevent Hunter from bringing up old wounds from their past, destroying their careers. That seems like a good enough reason, right?" Seth confesses. A small part of the pressure that he's been carrying leaves his shoulders. "I feel like I've made a huge mistake."

Kane stays quiet for awhile (Seth isn't even sure why he's still here - he's rooming alone, like always). But his next words shock the living hell out of Seth.

"What if I told you I knew how to bring down the Authority but I needed your help?"

___________________________________________________

"Room service!"

Dean groans. He knows for a fact he didn't order any fucking thing. Roman better not be pulling a prank on him. Because he swears to God that whatever asshole decided to drag him out of bed will have a stick shoved so far down their throat it'll come out their-

" _Sami!_ " Dean gasps, pulling his ex tag partner inside. Embracing his old friend, a strange bubble of happiness overwhelms him. While his past isn't the best, Switchblade Conspiracy and Sami was the brightest part. "Wow, man. It's nice to see ya. How're things?"

"Life's been treatin' me well." Sami replies, stepping out of Dean's hug. "Jon, I'm here 'cause I wanna talk about somethin' and I don't wanna get punched."

Dean's brows furrow, all happiness leaving him. "If you don't wanna get punched then don't talk about it."

"But we need to." Sami returns. Dean sighs. "Fine."

"Okay," Sami begins, "It's about Seth-"

"I don't want to talk about that two toned asshole."

Sami sighs. "I get that. But - okay. I can tell you care about him, but I don't think you do." The Cincinnati native rolls his eyes. "Don't give a shit about that sellout."

That's such a blatant lie, it almost hurts to say it.

"Jon." "Okay, fine. I _care_ about him. Whatever. Want me to tell you how much I want his dick since we're being honest?" Dean retorts. Sami blinks, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. "No, that won't be necessary. Have you tried telling him that, though?"

The brunette snorts. "He's straight, dipshit." Callahan raises his eyebrows. "That's not was his ex boyfriend says."

Wait, what?

"Wait, what?"

Sami smiles. "Oh, you didn't know?" "This isn't the time for impersonations!"

"I was talkin' to a friend of mine about Switchblade when he told me about how he used to team with Rollins ans then they started dating." Sami explains, looking smug.

Dean growls. This can't be real, right?

He's wanted Seth since - God, who even knows. Probably since before FCW. There's always been something about two toned freak that caught his attention. But he always assumed the other was straight because.. the fucker just never said anything. 

"Hey, back to Earth?" Sami waves his hands in front of his face, snapping Dean out of his train of thought. "Don't act like I'm still on drugs, asshole."

Callahan smirks. "You like it, dude... but make sure you talk to him ASAP."

"Yes, mother."

Yeah, no. Not gonna happen.

Feelings aside, Seth is a goddamn sellout. He turned his back on his brothers and joined their arch rivals. He shattered his and Roman's trust (and hearts).

 

That's something that can not be forgiven. Ever.

_____________________________________________________

Roman drove to the arena alone because Dean wanted some alone time with Callahan to catch up. Which is cool with Roman.. but he doesn't like driving solo. Never has, never will.

But he's a grown man, he can deal with twenty minutes of the radio. And he does. Doesn't enjoy it, but he does it.

Then the shit is dumped on the fan.

Seth walks past the Superstars' locker room, his head hung, shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Seth?" Roman calls. His ex tag partners looks up. Rome sees the bags under his eyes, and the fresh bruise sticking out of his beard. The Samoan's heart clenches at the thought of someone hurting his baby brother.

"I know I'm the only person whose gonna punch you hard enough to leave a bruise. But I haven't hit you since Friday." Roman says "Tell me what happened."

"None of your damn business." Rollins growls, trying to storm past him. But Roman grabs his wrist. "We miss you, brother."

Seth's face flickers from hostile to vulnerable, but it changes back as quickly as it changed. His voice is cracked when he says "let go of me."

"Never." The Samoan says, dropping his wrist. He watches, sadly, as the two toned man leaves.

It's then that Roman realizes he isn't mad. He misses Seth Rollins.

His baby brother.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **"Fail safe trigger lock down. Call wipe the dry clean-slate, quick, sound the alarm. No escape from the truth and the weight of it all. I am caught in the web of a lie**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **And the bitch of it all is that I'm running from the desire of the people to whom I belong. At the end of the day you can tell me I'm wrong. 'Cause you went to all of this trouble." ~Love Like War by All Time Low ft Vic Fuentes**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter shows a conversation where someone forces another to have sex with another person, and goes into light detail. Please be careful as you read on. If you would like to skip that part, read the italics, skip the part under it until you see a lobg, black line. Sorry.**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> In the middle of this, it switches to italics to show a conversation between Kane and Seth that happened but wasn't shared until now. I think I might do that from time to time. So, be aware of that.
> 
> Sorry for not posting in awhile. But, here it is. Another chapter. Hope you all enjoy. )))

Chapter Five:

Seth slumped down into his stall (in his private locker room because no one outside of the Authority could stand his presence) running a hand through his freshly showered hair. Fuck. It's been half an hour since the show ended and he _still_ can't believe it.

He's Mr. Money in the Bank. He's on his way to being the Champ, the Top Guy. He'll have his name inscribed into the history books for years to come. This is just the beginning of the future for Seth Rollins.

A giddy, bubbly laugh escapes him. Pulling out his phone and decides this is a time to celebrate and goes to text his broth-

**Dean is roaming the streets looking 4 his next kill. Hope u know what ur doing**

Right.

He doesn't have any brothers. They hate him.

Sighing, Seth tosses his phone into his bag. Looking at the yellow brief case in front of him, a pang of loneliness and regret ripples through his chest. A feeling he's grown all to familiar with.

Standing up, a low sigh slips past his lips. Maybe the hotel he's staying at has a couple of those tiny bottles of beer. That'll be a good way to celebrate his victory.

"Seth," Hunter says, popping his head into the door. "How you feeling, kiddo?"

Seth forces a smile, "I'm doing pretty good, actually." Hunter nods, stepping into the room.

"I'm really glad to hear that, Seth," Hunter says with a somewhat genuine smile. A hint of I-don't-care in his voice, "However, there are certain people within our family that aren't doing so good."

"Well, we can't have that." The two toned man instantly replies, feigning concern. Once again, Triple H nods, looking pleased. "See, that's why I like you. We think the same." Seth grimaces on the inside. There's no way in hell he thinks like this asshole.

"You see, Randy is very, very unhappy about his loss tonight. I was hoping that you could... help him feel better." Seth's eyebrows draw together. What does that even mean? "Do you want me to go.. talk to him?"

"No, no. Seth. _We_ need you to.. pleasure.. him."

Wait, what does- oh.

_Oh._

_Oh **fuck** no._

"Are you asking me to have _sex_ with him?" Seth asks. Because there's just absolutely _no way in hell_ that's what he's saying. No. Just, no.

"I'm not asking, Seth." Hunter responds, his voice flat and serious. Eyes not giving off any emotion. Seth gulps. He wants to stay as far away from that it bastard as humanly possible. He doesn't like being in Orton's presence. Having that man touching his body like that is- is-

Part of his mission to save his brothers.

"Okay. I'll be there." Rollins whispers. Feeling just as small as his voice sounds. Grinning, Hunter claps him on the shoulder. "Don't disappoint me."

Byron uses that moment to walk into the room. "I found the camera." Seth shrugs. "Let's just do the interview tomorrow, okay?" Byron slumps, muttering a defeated, "Okay" before walking out, the COO on his heels.

Seth lets out a shaky breath, and grabs his duffel bag. Well. This wasn't exactly how he pictured his celebration going. Could be worse, he assumes...

Fuck. He hopes his former brothers forgive him after this...

____________________________________________________________

_Saturday_

_"What if I told you I knew how to bring down the Authority, but I need your help?" Kane questions._

_"What are you talking about?" Seth asks, eyebrows knitting together. Kane sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose just like Roman does when dealing with Dean's... issues._

__

_"I know you're only here to protect your brothers. I get that. You hate the Authority as much as I, and many others, do." Kane replies. "I also know what the McMahon's have on Ambrose and Reigns, and how they used it to recruit you."_

__

_"You.. y-you do?" Seth stutters. How did anyone know?_

__

_"I'm the Director of Operations. Did you think I wouldn't know?" The Big Red Monster has a point there.. "It's actually really considerate what you're doing for them. It's obvious how much you love them... And because of that, I want you to help us bring them down."_

__

_"Who's 'us'?"_

__

_Kane smirks. "There's a lot, actually. You'll meet them on Tuesday."_

__

____________________________________________________________

Seth shudders, raising his hand to knock on the door to Orton's hotel room. This feels oh, so wrong. But he has to - knows he has to do it - but he can't - doesn't want to -

"Nervous, are we?" Orton asks, leaning against the door frame. White Shirt unbuttoned half the way, jeans hanging low on his hips, seductive smile on his face, lust in his eyes. His muscles shown through his clothes, almost as if he isn't wearing them.

The perfect picture of a sexy man. Yet Seth is far from turned on.

"Just a bit." Seth replies, dropping his hand. He brushes past Orton into the room, carefully avoiding contact. The less they touch, the better.

"You looked sexy during your win tonight." Orton growls (do snakes growl?) wrapping his arm around Seth's waist. The two toned man does his best not to squirm.

Fuck. This is already unbearable and they haven't even started.

_What is he even supposed to say to that? _You looked sexy losing._ He isn't good at this shit. Like, what the fuck..._

"Thank you." Seth whispers, his throat squeezing tight. He bites his tongue when Randy starts kissing the side of his neck, hands traveling down to cup his ass.

__Breath in. Breath out._ Seth closes his eyes. _Stay calm._ Orton spins him around, capturing the two toned man's lips in a ferocious kiss. _Breath in._ Seth puts his hands, hesitantly, on the Viper's forearms. Forcing himself to kiss back when he'd much rather be kissing just about anyone else._

(Dean)

_Breath out._

This really wasn't the time to be thinking about Dean Ambrose, of all people. _You love him, asshole. Breath in._ The last tike wants to do is say the wrong name - which -

"Get undressed, and on your knees." Orton orders, taking a step back to undo his belt. Seth licks his lips, and does as he's told.

__For my brothers,_ he reminds himself. _

**________________________________________________________**

_**Tuesday** _

"What's _he_ doing here?" Dolph Ziggler snaps, glaring at Seth like he wasn't worth breathing the same air. Which - okay. Seth can understand that.

He's been the Authority's "Golden Boy" for, how many months, now? Never once showed a hint of dislike for his "new family" (which accounts for his acting ability rather than his true feelings) in all that time. So, he gets why they're all skeptical of him.

But they could be just a bit nicer about it...

"Same reason you all are." Kane replies, giving all of them an intimidating look. Dare question me and I'll send you to the pits of he, or some scary shit like that.

"Ty Ty finally came to the light side, I see."

__Oh - what the fuck?_ _

" _Jimmy?_ " Seth squeaks. Because - just - what - when did - "I - I didn't even know you were working here."

"Yeah, man. Brodie got me hooked up with a job here." Jimmy replies, gesturing to the man now known as Luke Harper (who still very much acted like Brodie. Off camera). Seth shakes his head - wow. Just, wow.

"Come on, Rollins." Kane says, tilting his head toward the front of the room.

The room itself was an abandoned warehouse. Filled with what looked like twenty or so chairs, a desk, and a portable white board.

Glancing around the room, Seth saw a lot of familiar faces. Some he expected, like CM Punk and AJ Lee. Others, not so much.

Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury were at the top of the list.

"Everyone," Kane begins, clapping his hands once to get their attention. They were all just staring at Seth anyways. "I want to introduce our Vice President, Mr. Seth Rollins. He's legitimately one of us. So, if anyone of you have a problem. You can leave." 

No one moved. 

(But they all looked rather annoyed. Except for Mr. and Mrs. Punk, who look gleeful.) 

"Good." Kane says. "Now. Onto where we left off. 

"We've come to the conclusion that there is a very organized, and tidy balance of power. Everyone follows it, but only the higher ups know it's there." Kane explains, sounding very teacher-like. "It starts with Vince McMahon, followed up by Stephanie, and Triple H. 

Next up is Orton, who's the Authority's favorite 'son'. This is where we get stuck." Kane paused, turning to look at the smaller man. "And where you come in. We need you to snoop around the Authority and find out who we're missing, and where to start." 

Seth nods, taking a look at Jimmy. The Cheshire grin that spreads across his ex-boyfriend's face finds its way to Seth's. _Ninja skills intact._

_________________________________________________________ 

"You're such a hypocrite, y'know." 

Seth throws Jimmy a look. "How so?" The smaller man frowns. "You treated me like shit after I betrayed you, said it wasn't right. That you stand by your teammates. Yet here you are, doing same thing." 

"I treated you like that because you _dumped_ me." Seth points out. "And I was in love with you. They're not in love with me. See? Big difference." 

"You sure about that?" Jimmy asks. "Cause the way Ambrose eyes you-" 

" _No_." Seth says, firmly. "Dean was my best friend, is my rival. Again. Nothing more." 

"How are you so smart, but also so dumb?" Jacobs questions, rolling his eyes. Dick. "Ambrose gets a fucking hard on just looking at you. That's why he acts like such a psycho. Can't blame 'im, you look pretty damn nice." 

Seth rolls his eyes. There will never be a day where he'll appreciate receiving a compliment from any of his exes. Least of all Jimmy Jacobs. Lying little fucker. "Jimmy, look. Dean doesn't like me, not in that way, especially not now. Never did, never will. He's straight. Very, very straight-"

"His ex boyfriend begs to differ."

Wait.. what?

Dean.. boyfriend... huh?

"It doesn't matter," Seth retorts, shaking his head. "Dean hates me, right now. But even if he didn't he would never feel the same way about me."

Jimmy stops, staring at Seth like he was a puzzle. Eventually, Seth rolls his eyes and keeps walking, expecting his ex to follow.

"You're in love with him."

Jimmy says this as if Seth hadn't already known. But, yeah. He figured that out a long time ago. "I realized that when I first met him. Can we go get some lunch now?"

The shorter man purses his lips. "Ok-ay. But we're not done talking about this."

 _Yes we are._ Seth has been done talking about his feelings toward Dean since FCW. He isn't going to change that for the guy he was dating when he first fell for Dean Ambrose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've recently changed the plot, which required me to change the tags. I've added self-harm, self-hatred, self-destruction, and self-sacrifice. If any of these things offend you, or are a trigger, I suggest you stop reading this. There will also be a panic attack mentioned in a couple chapters. So.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: This chapter contains self-harm, serious depression, and thoughts of a malicious death of yourself. There is also extreme cursing at the beginning. IF any of this is a trigger warning i really suggest skipping this chapter, and the rest of this story.**
> 
> I'm trying to update this more often. I hope you guys still like this, and can forgive me for not posting often. Life is a bitch sometimes. Anyways. This gets really dark. I'm not really sure where it came from. But it's here. Maybe not what I wanted, but it depends on the reviews from you guys, really.
> 
> Have a wonderful day. All feedback is greatly appreciated. Reviews make me type faster. :)

Chapter Six:

_There was one thing Seth always liked about feuding with Dean. And no, it wasn't because he got to punch the lights out of him - sometimes the fucker got under his skin and Seth enjoyed hitting him. But that wasn't the reason._

_He got to keep Dean close. Made sure Dean would always be there. Yeah, he had to watch extra careful when he rounded a corner (and now, apparently, getting into his car) to ensure he wouldn't get blindsided by Ambrose._

_But, hey. He keeps the man close to him, and he isn't going away anytime soon. Not until he pins Seth in the ring. Which may never actually happen._

_This is the mentality Seth keeps when approaching Triple H about putting Ambrose in the Money in the Bank ladder match._

_(If he's sorta hoping Dean will win, cash in, and become the new champion. Well. No one has to know.)_

________________________________________________________

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"That motherfucker!"

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_shatter_

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"That cheating motherfucker!"

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_shatter_

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Roman watches in silence as Dean, pacing and yelling, throws another coffee cup against the wall.

__

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"I fucking _hate him!_ " Dean shouts, throwing yet another mug. Roman suppresses a sigh as he stands, taking his next victim out of his brothers hands, and sets it on the counter.

__

_"Dean, this is no way to act-"Roman begins, only to be interrupted. "That's fucking easy for you to say when you didn't have a fucking cheater sabotaging your fucking win."_

__

"I did, actually." Roman snaps, "I had Orton _and_ Cena. Everyone knew I was going to lose. Hell, _I_ knew I was going to lose. That's why I was booed out of the goddamn arena."

__

Ambrose cringes. He should. Dean wasn't the only one who had a bad night. Reigns had one, too. Just because he doesn't show it, doesn't mean he isn't fucking upset, or hurt.

__

_It isn't even the loss. It's knowing Seth isn't here - never will be here again - to make it better, to sooth him. Like he always used to._

_"'M sorry, Rome. I just-" Dean stops, running a hand over his face, "I just don't fucking understand why he had to do this shit, y'know. Was our arguing really that fucking unbearable? Or was it just us in general?"_

_Roman shakes his head. He's been asking himself those same questions since the betrayal first happened. He knows, now, that he'll never find an answer. Personally, Roman never even once considered leaving his brothers - even when things were at their worst._

_As a football player, Roman learned that your teammates are your family. He carried that philosophy over to wrestling because that was the way he's wired. He can't help it._

_Seth never once made it seem like he wanted out - if he had, Roman would've cut him loose with the promise they'd still chat. But he did it the hard way._

_Why?_

_"I don't know, brother." Roman whispers, pulling Dean into a hug._

_It's not enough - never will be enough. But it'll have to do._

_For now._

_Until Roman can break the wall Seth put up._

_____________________________________________________

Seth face plants onto the pillow as Orton pulls out. Second time in five days. (He hasn't got fucked this much since Jimmy - five years ago. So excuse him if he's not built to handle this much.)

But this is doing so much more than effecting his body.

His mind, one thing he values, is being destroyed. He can't think straight most of the time. He can't focus, either. It's so hard trying to work on this Mission when he can't even run a treadmill without cringing in pain, or spacing out. He can't even talk to what little allies he's managed to scrap up (a grand total of three) without seeing Randy, giving him that _look_ , or Hunter, who smiles at him like the _good little boy he is_.

That's not even the worst part. Whenever he does space out. His mind always wanders over to his brothers, wondering what they're doing, what they _could_ be doing. Together, as a cohesive unit.

Seth wonders if Jimmy would've told him about Dean's.. sexuality (whether it be bicurious or bisexual, he won't put a label on it yet) when they were still a team, if things would've went differently. Would he have told Dean how he felt? Maybe not in its entirety, but at least let Dean know he was interested?

Probably not, honestly. Dean has always been a little off. Never had a long term relationship, as far as -

_Slap_

"Ow, man! _What the fuck_?" Seth asks, holding his stinging cheek. Kane rolls his eyes, not looking even slightly bothered by slapping his ally for no damn reason.

"I called your name five times, you didn't answer." The Big Red Monster explains. Some weird, concern-like emotion clouds his different colored eyes. "I think you should see a doctor, or talk to someone. This is starting to get worse-"

"I'm _fine_." Seth insists.

Realistically, he knows he's not. He knows there's something wrong, but what can he do? A therapist - as Kane has suggested multiple times - would have to go to the police, right?

"See you later." Rollins says, getting up, quickly, and walking out of the cafe they were sitting at.

_____________________________________________________

"What are you even doing?" Roman asks, watching as Dean feels every inch of the wall. Normally, he wouldn't care. Dean _is_ a strange character, after all.

But if anyone walked into the hallway of their hotel and saw Dean Ambrose, hands trying to cover the wall. A crazed look in his eyes. Well.

It wouldn't end so good.

"I'm looking for the dent in the wall to see how hard I punched it." Dean explains, rolling his eyes in annoyance. As if this was a normal thing to do. Roman just shakes his head. There's no point in arguing with an "unstable" person. "You can't see the hole unless you go inside, call it a win."

"Look, this hotel has, like, five layers of wall so you can't hear people fuckin' next to you." Dean states all matter of factly. Stubborn fucker. "If - holy shit, I _found it_!" The Cincinnati native jumps up excitedly, hands tracing an invisible hole. Reigns sighs, rubbing a hand over his face.

Why God? _Why is this weirdo someone I love?_

"Dean, afraid to break it to you. But that's not.. an actual accomplishment." The Samoan says, slow and careful. Dean cocks an eyebrow at him. "Oh yeah? You try punchin' the wall, see how far ya get." Roman pinches the bridge of his nose. This, just - _**why**_. "Punching anything that isn't _designed_ to be punched is _not_ a good thing."

Dean crosses his arms over his chest. He looks determined to start a fight. Oh goody. Just what he needs. A punch-a-thon with a lunatic.

(Towards the end of their Shield days, these two always argued, and came to blows several times. Seth broke them up every time and made them talk it out. Since the betrayal, they've let the little shit that used to irk them go to ensure things wouldn't go that far.

But they're creatures of habit. And sometimes a fight is what they need after a couple shitty days.)

"What would you rather me punch then? Your _face_?" Dean asks, eyes narrowed into slits. "No, Dean" "Right. Wouldn't wanna wreck the moneymaker."

The _moneymaker?_ What the actual fuck. How is his face a moneym-

"..No, no. I get it. There's no way-.. Right. Okay, everything's under control. Bye."

The two freeze - Dean going tense, Roman staring in wonder - as none other than Seth Rollins steps out of the elevator, phone in hand, Randy Orton draped around his shoulders.

"Kane and I were going to have breakfast Tuesday with Jamie and Joey, but he's going to the meeting with you." Seth says, voice bland. Orton eyes the two men already in the hall (especially Dean, who looks ready to murder someone) as he leans down (which is totally unnecessary. They're basically the same height) to whisper something in Seth's ear. The two toned man looks up, and, just for a second, a smile tugs at his lips. It's gone quickly, though the relief in his eyes is still there.

"Don't do it, Rome." Dean growls, low and throaty. Roman doesn't take his eyes off of Seth, taking in the sight of his baby brother. "Hey, Seth."

"..Hey.. Reigns." Rollins greets, sounding off. A mixture of desperation and false hostility.

Something turns on inside of Roman. A "momma switch", as Seth used to call it, that sends his over protectiveness into overdrive. He sees the discomfort in Rollins's stance, and it makes him sick. He knows for a fact his former tag partner has never liked the Viper, never could stand being in his presence unless in the ring.

Roman Reigns isn't one for gossip, or rumors, but it makes him wonder if the ones he's heard about the Authority are true. (He hopes not, because, oh boy. He's gonna strangle that big nosed fucker.) Who can blame him if he's concerned?

"Mind if I talk at you for a minute.. alone?" Roman asks. Orton opens his mouth to (more than likely) object, but Seth beats him to it. "Sure, Reigns." The Apex Predator gives Seth a look and..

..kisses him on..

..the mouth..

..and Seth shudders, looking like he wants to sprint back into the elevator and vomit.

Oh God. Fuck no. Fuck. No. He's _definitely_ ripping some heads off, now. Triple H is a dead man. Dead. Man.

(Not Undertaker style. Actually _dead_.)

"What do you want, Reigns?" Seth asks, his voice reflecting how tired and _sad_ his eyes look. "Since when were you into.. uh, Orton?" Roman questions, slow and hesitant.

Seth crosses his arms over his chest, "Why the fuck do you care?" "Because you're our baby brother, Seth."

"Way to speak for yourself." Dean says, rolling his eyes. Roman makes a mental note to drive his head into the wall. But that'll have to wait until later. He can only deal with one stubborn asshole at a time.

"I don't have time for this. So get to the point, or I'm leaving." Rollins snaps.

"Look. We all know you hate Orton. Yet you're.. with him. And-" Roman sighs, running a hand through his hair. "We miss you, we really do. You don't have to come back to the Shield, but we still want you as a brother..." Seth shakes his head. Roman isn't a bigger, but, "Please."

The two toned man squeezes his eyes shut. His voice wrecked when he says, "I can't." Opening his eyes, he recovers, "Just leave me alone, okay? I'm not coming back."

_I'm not coming back._

Seth walks away. Again.

He's never felt like such a failure before in his life.

__________________________________________________________

The hardest part of everything he's done is saying the things he's said. Because, even when this is all over, he may have crossed the line one to many times, said something overly harsh, and they may never take him back. Holy fuck. Seth hopes they do.

Realistically, Roman might. Made it clear he would. Just because he feels that way now doesn't mean that he will in the future. But Dean? No. Never. Or, not for awhile, anyways.

If one of them can't forgive him, take him back, then how could the other?

This is the thought that crosses Seth's mind as he makes the first cut along his leg. A neat little trick Jimmy taught him when things got hard. Cutting yourself takes the pain away, at least for awhile. Small incisions along his thighs, each one a memory that runs on replay in his head. The deep, thick lines are reminders of all the things that he's said and done, and what they've said and done to him.

Sometimes, when he's drunk and alone, he plays a cruel game with himself. He goes through and names each scar, describing to himself what they mean. Every story cuts another wound into his already bleeding heart.

On those nights, he wonders if the blood that saps from his battered heart could fill up his lungs. It'd be a slow, and painful death. But that's what he deserves, right? To die a horrible death like the piece of shit he truly is.

Nobody needs him. His parents don't call. He hasn't seen his family in years. Jimmy isn't his friend. An ex who broke your heart isn't a friend. The Authority doesn't give a shit about him. He just happens to be the sorry fucker who's enough of a scumbag to turn his back on the two people who seemed to like him. He'd be replaced easily. Then Kane and the group would turn to that guy and use him. J&J are nice, but they're not his friends. Just two lackeys who are trying to stay relevant.

There's been so many of his fans that say he doesn't need anybody to be great. He can do it on his own.

He can. He knows.

That doesn't mean he doesn't want a friend. Someone to hug, and tease, and talk to. Someone who'll listen to his music and complain about it with a smile on their face. Someone who helps him dye his hair, and cuddles with him during movies. At night, when they're supposed to be sleeping, they'll whisper random shit to him that doesn't make sense but causes him to smile nonetheless.

Goddamn it. He wants his brothers back. Fuck the Authority. Fuck the mission. Fuck Kane and Orton. Fuck everything.

He can't do this shit. Not anymore. He wants out.

_He needs out._

**I'm never coming back.**


End file.
